from now on my penis is your penis
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
