So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
