Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
