PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize