it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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