watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
