It's like God shit irony all over that family
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
