I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
