just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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