So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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