If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
