"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
