babies were throwing up all over the place
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
