I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
