and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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