the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
