At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
