We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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