um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
