We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
