Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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