$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
