Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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