paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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