I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
