It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
