Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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