I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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