i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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