Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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