I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
