Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
