The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
