this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
