i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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