Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
