What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
