So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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