i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
