bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
