I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
