You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want a musical about memes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
