see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
