True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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