you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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