So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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