You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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