i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
