The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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