I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
