oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
