so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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