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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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