So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
