it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my phone needs a breathalizer
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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