I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
