Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
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