Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He passed out mid-signature
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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