It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
