I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
