Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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