smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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