He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
