worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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