i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
