Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
