So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
