someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
