eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
