So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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