that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
