i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
