Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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