I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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