real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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